so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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