In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
