I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
