May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
