I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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