I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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