i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
