You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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