i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
