Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
