I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
