clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this will be a night to untag.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You dont lie about slip and slides
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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