we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
