Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
