maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
