Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
