I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
