I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
