he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
