I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
sex in a hospital.. check
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm too high and old for this...
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
