I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
