How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
