a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
