Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
