Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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