You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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