i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
