I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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