i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
