Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Randomize
