He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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