I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
