I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
