i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
