i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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