1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
