I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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