They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
