the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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