Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
