i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
