Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
