Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
