Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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