I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
