are you still at the devil's house?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
