Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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