Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
