Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize