Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
