happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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