I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
