ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
