Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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