so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
