Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
from now on my penis is your penis
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
