It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think my fart just growled at me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
