My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
