This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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