My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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