I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
