I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
