I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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