Your face is a jimmy john
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
