piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
