1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dual....:-)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
