YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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