I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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